Showing posts with label Fake news. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fake news. Show all posts

Saturday, April 09, 2011

Poonam , Poonam ki Jawani , I am from Venus , Main Tere Haath Nahin Aani !!!





It’s been a great World Cup for all of us, a memorable year for all the Indians. Celebrations are on and on with celebrities on the road basking in the new found glory after a gap of almost 3 decades.
Lately, I always want to practice writing humour, sarcasm and try to tickle the funny bones of myself. Sometimes I succeed and many times I fail, but who cares till the time I enjoy experimenting it.
And, I think the 20 something model from Mumbai enjoyed it too. After all she is young, sexy and bit of crazy too.
So, who the hell is Poonam Pandey, where does she hail from and what are her missions and objectives. I gathered some information about her with the aid of CBI which I would love to share with the readers.
I can assure you guys that CBI really worked this time 
She is an alien from the neighboring planet Venus and is on long term leisure cum business trip to the Earth. She was supposed to land in Antarctica but her space ship fuel had got finished and she had to land in India a year back.
She quickly realized that in spite of her awkward style, no one was noticing her. She had this feeling that she is more beautiful than any other women on earth but still people aren’t noticing her.
She was fond of Indian Cinema and actors and was also researching on the topic “Who is hotter – Munni or Sheila?
Since she had already done some modeling with Queen Fisher, now she was keen to meet the Indian stars and work with them. She started going around studios, Bandra Band Stand and Juhu every morning and evening looking for an opportunity to catch with the stars. Once a funny incident, she was chased away by Salman Khan’s dogs as she was star gazing in the night at Bandra.
One day, she was having her dinner at a local dhaba and she was watching the TV program “The Big Toss” on India Tv. She really enjoyed watching Rakhi Aatank and Veena Mallika playing the big toss like finding the bat and ball and analyzing the game of cricket.
She had heard so much about Rakhi , that she was her idol. She thought that why not I become a Rakhi Aatank. Well, but I don’t understand even “C” of the Cricket so what can I do now.
Then there is also this 6 Pack Women “Madira Bedi” shouting and yelling on Times Now every time the Indian team wins the cricket match. So, she thought that there is a lot of scope for females like her to do well in cricket and World Cup is a big platform.
She was thinking hard, but still her brain was not working, well for obvious reasons that she doesn’t have it. One day, while she was taking a stroll on the Alibaug beach, she met a thin guy who looked like a monkey and was acting like a monkey too, jumping and showing his yellow teeth.
She realized that he was none other than her friend from Pluto whom she had met during one of the Intra planetary Film festival in Jupiter.
Ohh...No Tinku, how are you, it’s so long...Remember last time we had met, but where the hell is your tail, dear?
They exchanged pleasantries and the monkey, sorry the actor told her that he is a big star now in the film industry and now people now him as Tinku Pandey. He also informed her that a song has been very popular on his name “Na Mane re Tinku jia” from the movie “Yamla Pagla Dewaana”.
She told him about her concern that she wants to get popular and is not finding any ways to do so.
Bhakti Kappor who was also shooting with Tinku Pandey over heard their conversation and chirped in with his idea. Well, you don’t need to do anything to become popular, it’s so damn easy!
Just make an announcement that you are going to do a full bare show for the Indian Cricket team, if they go on winning the world cup.
We will have two benefits out of this, you will not only become popular but will also help Dhoni and Team does well in the tournament. You will become the darling of whole nation. Just imagine, you are there on every TV channels, every movie director is queuing to sign you for their movies, AAOOO.
Even Rakhi Aatank will fear you, you will become the next Big Boss, you can also even replace the most irritating anchor Manchali Puri Singh whose teeth weighs more than your weight from “The Comedy Circus”, added Tinku.
Poonam Pandey acted on this idea and suddenly she became the most searched girl on the internet. She was there on every TV channels sharing her noble idea of doing ‘the in thing”.
India finally went on to win the World Cup, but Poonam Pandey was not seen anywhere, not traced to where she was hiding. But our very own CBI finally tracked her whereabouts and came to know that she was airlifted from her house on 2nd of April by the aliens.
She was engaged to an angry man from Neptune, who is also now a flop actor in the TV reality shows and is popularly known as none other than Rahul Gajanan.
Rahul though now married couldn’t accept her doing the bare act in front of the Indian team and this jealousy led to her being taken away by the aliens and finally deported to her own planet “Venus”.
Those who all missed her adventures in the Indian team are now heard singing “Poonam Poonam ki Jawani , I am from Venus , Main Tere Haath Nahin Aani!!
Apologies, if I hurt any one’s sentiments through this mindless piece of humor and thanks for bearing it with your patience.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Indian Female league – a new venture by Lalli Modi




This piece is complete fiction and has no resemblance to any one living or dead. Any resemblance is completely coincidental and a piece of hyper imagination. If I have hurt anyone's sentiment , I am really sorry for it.
So pls, don’t try to screw me …Amit

Guess, what is the new venture of Lalli Modi? -Its not Indian Hockey league or Indian Soccer league, its Indian Female league. And don’t get surprised, the love he has for women especially the cheer leaders, it does make sense.
So get ready for the next session of Cricket from the makers of block busters IPL. There are rumors that Govt. is supporting this venture, as they are advocating 33% reservation for women in Parliament, and here Mr. Modi is launching separate league for females. Good, probably Rahul will finally find a Rough and Tough girl for himself, who can bowl him out.
The teams name would be something like – Delhi Hasinas, Mumbai Maidens, Hyderabadi Potties, Kolkata Night Riders, Queens XI Punjab, Chennai Chandramukhis, Bangalore Babes, Rajsthani Rani’s and rest for others imagination to come out with innovative names.
The owners are going to be very high profile people whose love for women have never been a secret from the world. From close sources, we have come to know that Tiger Woods is interested in owning a team, especially Kolkata Night Riders, Guess he wants to break his old records of dating 9 women.
Also, the former US president, Mr Bill is keen to take Delhi Hasinas, ohhh...in partnership with Ms. Monika. How come Mr. Sar kozy Kozy be behind in the race as he is so pro women so he is pitching for Bangalore Babes. But the surprise Indian and Pakistani Package is a team will be co owned by Sania and Shoaib , as they will be jobless after their marriage as Sania is loosing her ad contract and Shoaib is already jobless. They would form a cross border team with the name – “Aman ki Ayesha” and all their matches would be of two innings – 10 overs each. Mr. Lalli Modi along with his politician friends is already advocating for 100% FDI in IFL.
The bollywood is also very optimistic about the whole affair, and I heard Madira bedi telling Saddhu Paaji in a cricket show, “Noodles Eleven”, that this is a revolutionary attempt by Mr. Lalli and a platform for ladies like her to show the world – cleavage with cricket. A journalist asked her, if she would wear her noodle strap Bra in the show, she smiled and winked and said she would like to keep it as a surprise. I know lacs of men will keep watching her boring cricket show waiting for that surprise to arrive and our Saddhu Paaji and Barsha Bhog-lee too.
The cheer girls will go from the stadium, but it will also open new job market for cheer boys who have 4 packs, 6 packs or 8 packs abs. The govt. is also very happy with this initiative that the job market is growing.
The IFL teams have already started calling for auditions from male dancers. Heard our favorite director K JO is also keen in taking up a part time career as Cheer Boy, as he loves guys. All those bollywood glam girls who are currently unemployed also have a career option – to play for IFL. Models and super models from India and abroad will be part of the team, provided they have to be fit as zero size.
Our liquor Baron is quite ecstatic about the whole thing, and he announced the launch of Queenfisher IFL calendar with a theme called “Bikinis and Bat”, after all if Pappu can Dance, then Babes can Bat too. The IFL news is already making news on TV channels, the team owners are busy finalizing the teams, and the organizers are engaged in getting sponsorships. But guess what, Sania and Shoaib are doing? They are busy fixing IFL matches.The IFL is not “Manoranjan ka Baap”, its “Manoranjan ko Maa”. Lalli , U Rock Man , U just Rock , quoted by none other than seductive Yoga teacher "shilpy Shetty".