Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Saturday, April 09, 2011

Poonam , Poonam ki Jawani , I am from Venus , Main Tere Haath Nahin Aani !!!





It’s been a great World Cup for all of us, a memorable year for all the Indians. Celebrations are on and on with celebrities on the road basking in the new found glory after a gap of almost 3 decades.
Lately, I always want to practice writing humour, sarcasm and try to tickle the funny bones of myself. Sometimes I succeed and many times I fail, but who cares till the time I enjoy experimenting it.
And, I think the 20 something model from Mumbai enjoyed it too. After all she is young, sexy and bit of crazy too.
So, who the hell is Poonam Pandey, where does she hail from and what are her missions and objectives. I gathered some information about her with the aid of CBI which I would love to share with the readers.
I can assure you guys that CBI really worked this time 
She is an alien from the neighboring planet Venus and is on long term leisure cum business trip to the Earth. She was supposed to land in Antarctica but her space ship fuel had got finished and she had to land in India a year back.
She quickly realized that in spite of her awkward style, no one was noticing her. She had this feeling that she is more beautiful than any other women on earth but still people aren’t noticing her.
She was fond of Indian Cinema and actors and was also researching on the topic “Who is hotter – Munni or Sheila?
Since she had already done some modeling with Queen Fisher, now she was keen to meet the Indian stars and work with them. She started going around studios, Bandra Band Stand and Juhu every morning and evening looking for an opportunity to catch with the stars. Once a funny incident, she was chased away by Salman Khan’s dogs as she was star gazing in the night at Bandra.
One day, she was having her dinner at a local dhaba and she was watching the TV program “The Big Toss” on India Tv. She really enjoyed watching Rakhi Aatank and Veena Mallika playing the big toss like finding the bat and ball and analyzing the game of cricket.
She had heard so much about Rakhi , that she was her idol. She thought that why not I become a Rakhi Aatank. Well, but I don’t understand even “C” of the Cricket so what can I do now.
Then there is also this 6 Pack Women “Madira Bedi” shouting and yelling on Times Now every time the Indian team wins the cricket match. So, she thought that there is a lot of scope for females like her to do well in cricket and World Cup is a big platform.
She was thinking hard, but still her brain was not working, well for obvious reasons that she doesn’t have it. One day, while she was taking a stroll on the Alibaug beach, she met a thin guy who looked like a monkey and was acting like a monkey too, jumping and showing his yellow teeth.
She realized that he was none other than her friend from Pluto whom she had met during one of the Intra planetary Film festival in Jupiter.
Ohh...No Tinku, how are you, it’s so long...Remember last time we had met, but where the hell is your tail, dear?
They exchanged pleasantries and the monkey, sorry the actor told her that he is a big star now in the film industry and now people now him as Tinku Pandey. He also informed her that a song has been very popular on his name “Na Mane re Tinku jia” from the movie “Yamla Pagla Dewaana”.
She told him about her concern that she wants to get popular and is not finding any ways to do so.
Bhakti Kappor who was also shooting with Tinku Pandey over heard their conversation and chirped in with his idea. Well, you don’t need to do anything to become popular, it’s so damn easy!
Just make an announcement that you are going to do a full bare show for the Indian Cricket team, if they go on winning the world cup.
We will have two benefits out of this, you will not only become popular but will also help Dhoni and Team does well in the tournament. You will become the darling of whole nation. Just imagine, you are there on every TV channels, every movie director is queuing to sign you for their movies, AAOOO.
Even Rakhi Aatank will fear you, you will become the next Big Boss, you can also even replace the most irritating anchor Manchali Puri Singh whose teeth weighs more than your weight from “The Comedy Circus”, added Tinku.
Poonam Pandey acted on this idea and suddenly she became the most searched girl on the internet. She was there on every TV channels sharing her noble idea of doing ‘the in thing”.
India finally went on to win the World Cup, but Poonam Pandey was not seen anywhere, not traced to where she was hiding. But our very own CBI finally tracked her whereabouts and came to know that she was airlifted from her house on 2nd of April by the aliens.
She was engaged to an angry man from Neptune, who is also now a flop actor in the TV reality shows and is popularly known as none other than Rahul Gajanan.
Rahul though now married couldn’t accept her doing the bare act in front of the Indian team and this jealousy led to her being taken away by the aliens and finally deported to her own planet “Venus”.
Those who all missed her adventures in the Indian team are now heard singing “Poonam Poonam ki Jawani , I am from Venus , Main Tere Haath Nahin Aani!!
Apologies, if I hurt any one’s sentiments through this mindless piece of humor and thanks for bearing it with your patience.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

IPL -4 Auction – Ganda hai par dhanda hai yeh…



Disclaimer – I love watching IPL and this article is just trying to make a humor out of the whole IPL hoopla…nothing personal against anyone and no sentiments attached. Your feedback is welcome whether it’s a dash of sweet or is a pinch of salt. I love them both!

There was a lot of excitement to watch the IPL-4 Auction live on TV, courtesy SET MAX. I was getting restless to watch the whole thing and to get myself prepared to watch the whole bidding process live, I got a can of diet coke (sorry,oh-la-la-lu-le-loo..argh..), masala peanuts and a friend who has an amazing knowledge about cricket statistics.
However, my excitement soon fused out after watching the expressionless face of the host who was facilitating the bidding process. His pronunciation of Indian names like Mur-a-lli Kart-ick was good enough to make one’s head bang. With due respect to his credentials as I am sure he must have been a good qualified host and would have done many bidding processes in past but I just found him a bit boring.
I wonder why they didn’t hired Mandira Barbadi for handling the auction process as she might have created some waves in the bidding with her “Top” comments.
In between the chit chat, there was our very own Desi Paaji passing his expert comments and analysis on the cricketers bid and at the same time thinking of “I wish I would have played IPL”.
But we all know that once the “pulp is squeezed from mango” there is no fun in buying that mango. One of the prominent disciple of this fundamental adage is “Tees maar Khan” not the Punjabi Munda but the very own KKKK….Kolkata Badshah who didn’t retained Dada in his team.
Effigies burnt, my Bengal friend got emotional on FB, sports journalists treating this as “shocking” and what not. Lately, it is also doing round that CBI is going to conduct an enquiry as why the fiery Dada was not taken by KKR…
I just hope that rising onion prices is at least not linked to this :)
My friends suggested that Kochi ka Ghochi should bid for fiery Dada and appoint him as the captain but they seemed to be busier with acquiring wicket keepers and bowlers in their team than Batsman. Anyways, it’s their money and their mind and we are just spectators watching the mega event.
To keep the strong tie between Bollywood and Criket going there was this yogini Shilpa with her business associate cum hubby, Raj, and Priety with Ness looking at print outs and staring at laptops as analyzing spread sheets or they might have been looking at some interesting screen saver running there. With all these bollywood tadka, I regret why the sultry nagin “Hissss” is not part of any IPL team ; may be next season we might get to see her revealing her cricket brains if we get a Haryanavi team...Ke hon lag raha Tau…
After the auction ended, I became really happy that the drama is over and I will not be forced to discuss who is going to which team and so on and finally I would get to hear and read some good cricket news other than the IPL auction. Unfortunately this happiness remained really short as tug of war for poaching uncapped players has started now. These players who were performers in IPL but didn’t get a chance to be in the national side seemed to be loosing on the money front and are heard singing this song to their franchisee-
Auction to gaya , Millions chala gaya,
Ek baar to ab humein khelne do…
Give me more money,
Give me more perks,
I want to play up once again...
Let’s see what unfolds of this IPL saga this year…minus the Modi and lovable Dada…and now all of us including our cricketers get out of this IPL bug and focus on the World Cup solely.
Read another sattire on IPL - http://amitsinha69.blogspot.com/2010/04/indian-female-league-new-venture-by.html